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Sex, sexuality, and intimacy are just as important for people with cancer as they are for people who don’t have cancer. In fact, sexuality and intimacy have been shown to help people face cancer by helping them deal with feelings of distress, and when going through treatment. But, the reality is that a person's sex organs, sexual desire (sex drive or libido), sexual function, well-being, and body image can be affected by having cancer and cancer treatment. How a person shows sexuality can also be affected. Read more in How Cancer and Cancer Treatment Can Affect Sexuality.
Managing sexual problems is important, but might involve several different therapies, treatments, or devices, or a combination of them. Counseling can also be helpful. The information below describes ways to approach some of the more common sexual problems an adult female with cancer may experience. If you are a transgender person, please talk to your cancer care team about any needs that are not addressed here.
It’s very important to talk about what to expect, and continue to talk about what's changing or has changed in your sexual life as you go through procedures, treatments, and follow-up care. Don't assume your doctor or nurse will ask about any concerns you have about sexuality. Remember, if they don't know about a problem you're having, they can't help you manage it. Here are some ways you can start talks with your cancer care team about the problems you might be having.
The best time to talk with your doctor or cancer team about possible side effects or long-term changes in your sex life is before treatment. If this isn't possible, or you don't think about asking these kinds of questions before surgery or treatment, you can start to talk with them shortly after surgery or when treatment starts. But you can bring up the subject any time during and after treatment, too.
It’s important to know what to expect. When you're asking questions before surgery or treatment, here are some that can open the door to more questions and follow-up:
Maybe you've already had surgery or started treatment, but didn't ask questions (or get enough information) beforehand. Maybe you've read some things on the internet or heard about someone else's experience with the same type of cancer you have. Maybe you're able to think more clearly now than when you were first diagnosed and realize you have questions. Whatever the reason, if you wondering about something, ask! Here are some ways to start talking with your cancer care team:
Depending on the stage in life, type of cancer, and type of surgery and treatment needed, some women are at an increased risk for reduced hormones. If the woman has already gone through the "change of life" (menopause), the chance of having these symptoms might not be as high. But some women have surgery or treatment that brings on these hormone changes before they would naturally happen, and this is called premature menopause. This causes monthly hormone cycles to slow or stop, meaning monthly periods (menstruation) stop. It's also known as amenorrhea.
It's important to know how surgery and treatment might affect your cycles and hormones. This is important for all women so they know the symptoms to expect. But it's especially important for younger women because of the possibility of pregnancy if cycles do not completely end or if hormones are not permanently affected. Ask your cancer care team about your specific situation.
If you can expect to go through premature menopause, or have gone through it because of cancer surgery or treatment, you may be bothered by frequent hot flashes and other symptoms.
Female hormones (estrogen and/or progesterone) in a pill or patch can help with menopause symptoms. But, some women may not be able to take hormones because of the type of cancer they have. Sometimes these hormones are not recommended because they can promote certain types of cancer growth in female organs. They can cause other health problems, too.
If you have questions or concerns about hormone therapy, talk with your cancer care team about the risks and benefits as they apply to you. If you and your provider decide that hormone therapy is the best treatment for you, be sure you understand the correct dose to use, when to use it, and when to expect it to take effect. Sometimes doses need to be changed to get the best effect. However, it’s important that doses are monitored and that you have regular check-ups.
Vaginal fluids and moisture are important for sexual function, and can make gynecologic exams more comfortable. As women age, the vagina can naturally lose moisture and elasticity (the ability to stretch or move comfortably). Cancer surgeries and treatments can speed up these changes. Vaginal dryness and atrophy can make intercourse difficult, and sometimes painful. As with hot flashes, taking hormones can help. But, sometimes these hormones are not recommended because they can promote certain types of cancer growth in female organs.
Fluids increase in your vagina when you are excited. If you have vaginal dryness, you may need extra lubrication to make sex comfortable. If you use a vaginal lubricant, it's best to choose a water-based gel that has no perfumes, coloring, spermicide, herbal remedies, or flavors added, as these chemicals can irritate your delicate genital tissues. Also, warming gels can cause burning in some people. Lubricants can usually be found near the birth control or feminine hygiene products in drug stores or grocery stores. Be sure to read the labels, and talk with a nurse, doctor, or pharmacist if you have questions.
Petroleum jelly, skin lotions, and other oil-based lubricants are not good choices for vaginal lubrication. In some women, they may raise the risk of yeast infection. And if latex condoms are used, they can be damaged by petroleum products and lotions. Also, watch out for condoms or gels that contain nonoxynol-9 (N-9). N-9 is a birth control agent that kills sperm, but it can irritate the vagina, especially if the tissues are already dry or fragile.
Before sex, put some lubricant around and inside the entrance of your vagina. Then spread some of it on your partner’s penis, fingers, or other insert. This helps get the lubricant inside your vagina. Many couples treat this as a part of foreplay. If vaginal penetration lasts more than a few minutes, you may need to stop briefly and use more lubricant. Even if you use vaginal moisturizers every few days, it’s best to use gel lubricant before and during sex.
Vaginal moisturizers are designed to help keep your vagina moist and at a more normal acid balance (pH) for a few days. Vaginal moisturizers are applied at bedtime for the best absorption. It’s not uncommon for women who’ve had cancer to need to use moisturizers several times per week. Vaginal moisturizers are different than lubricants – they last longer and are not usually used for sexual activity.
Vaginal estrogen therapy is a treatment option for vaginal atrophy (when the vaginal walls get thinner and less stretchy) for some women. But, some women may not be able to take hormones because of the type of cancer they have. Sometimes these hormones are not recommended because the estrogens can promote certain types of cancer growth in female organs.
Vaginal hormones are applied to and absorbed into the genital area. They come in gel, cream, suppository, ring, and tablet forms. Most are put into the vagina, although some creams can be applied to the vulva (outer part of the vagina). They focus small amounts of hormones on the vagina and nearby tissues, so that very little gets in the bloodstream to affect other parts of the body. Local vaginal hormones need a prescription.
Usually, women who could reach orgasm before cancer treatment can do so after treatment. But some women may have problems with this.
Here are a few ideas that might help.
You also can talk with your cancer care team and gynecologist for referral for counseling and sex therapy that can be helpful.
For women who have vaginal dryness or atrophy, sex may be painful. This is called dyspareunia. Pain may be felt in the vagina itself or in the tissues around it, like the bladder and rectum. After certain surgeries and radiation to the pelvis or genital area, the vagina is sometimes shorter and narrower. But hormone changes are the most common cause of vaginal pain after cancer treatment. If you don’t produce enough natural lubricant or moisture to make your vagina slippery, sex can be painful. It can cause a burning feeling or soreness. The risk of repeated urinary tract infections or irritation also increases when there is vaginal irritation during sex.
If you have genital pain during sex:
Other types of pain that are not in your genital area can affect how comfortable you are during sex. If you’re having pain other than in your genital area, these tips may help lessen it during sex. You might need to plan sexual activity rather than be spontaneous for some of these to help.
A vaginal dilator is a plastic or rubber tube used to enlarge or stretch (dilate) the vagina. Dilators also help women learn to relax the vaginal muscles if they are used with Kegel exercises. They come in many forms and are often used after radiation to the pelvis, cervix, or vagina. Even if a woman isn’t interested in staying sexually active, keeping her vagina normal in size allows more comfortable gynecologic exams.
If it's needed, your doctor or nurse will tell you where to buy a dilator. Check with your insurance company, too, and find out if you need a prescription. You will also be taught when to start using it, and how and when to use it. The dilator feels much like putting in a large tampon for a few minutes. It can be used several times a week to keep your vagina from getting tight from scar tissue that may develop.
Surgery for breast cancer might not directly affect sexual function and doesn't directly affect intercourse. However, it can have an impact on body image. And, sensation when being touched during sex can be reduced in the area that's affected by breast surgery.
Managing the physical and psychological effects of having breast surgery is important. Many woman having surgery for breast cancer might have and choose the option of breast reconstruction. This can include nipple reconstruction too, and tattooing for the nipple and surrounding area. Counseling and support groups may be helpful too. Some women feel more comfortable and have a better self-image with these options, but they often require multiple procedures. Read more in Breast Reconstruction Surgery and talk to your cancer care team, surgeon, and gynecologist about what is best for your situation.
An ostomy is a surgical opening created to help with a body function. The opening itself is called a stoma.
There are ways to reduce the effect of ostomies on your sex life. One way is to be sure the appliance (pouch system) fits well. Check the seal and empty your pouch before sex. This will reduce the chance of a leak. Learn more in Ostomies.
A tracheostomy is a surgery that removes the windpipe (trachea). It can be temporary or permanent, and you breathe through a stoma (opening or hole) in your neck.
Laryngectomy is surgery that removes the voice box (larynx). It leaves you unable to talk in the normal way, and since the larynx is next to the windpipe that connects the mouth to the lungs, you breathe through a stoma (hole) in your neck.
A scarf, necklace, or turtleneck can look good and hide the stoma cover.
During sex, a partner may be startled at first by breath that hits at a strange spot. You can lessen odors from the stoma by avoiding garlic or spicy foods and by wearing perfume.
Sometimes problems in speaking can make it hard for couples to communicate during sex. If you’ve learned to speak using your esophagus, talking during sex is not a big problem. A speech aid or electronic voice box built into the stoma might also work well.
Some cancers of the head and neck are treated by removing part of the bone structure of the face. This can change your appearance. Surgery on the jaw, palate, or tongue can also change the way you look and talk. Facial reconstruction might help regain a more normal look and clearer speech.
Treatment for some cancers can include surgically removing (amputating) a limb, such as an arm or leg. A patient who has lost an arm or leg may wonder whether to wear the artificial limb (prosthesis) during sex. Sometimes the prosthesis helps with positioning and ease of movement.
Sometimes friends and lovers withdraw emotionally from a person with cancer. Don’t give up on each other. It may take time and effort, but keep in mind that sexual touching between a woman and her partner is always possible. It may be easy to forget this, especially if you’re both feeling down or haven’t had sex for a while. See "Keep talking and work together to manage problems" in Cancer, Sex, and the Female Body for some tips to help you and your partner through this time. And keep in mind that you may need extra help with the changes caused by cancer that can turn your and your partner’s lives upside down.
Cancer surgery and treatment can affect your appearance. Surgical scars may be visible. Women with breast cancer may lose a breast. Hair loss can occur with some treatments, including hair on your head, and possibly eyebrows, eyelashes, and pubic hair, too. You may also gain or lose weight, and muscle mass may be affected by the activity you can and can't do, or if you have trouble eating. Certain treatments can cause skin rash and changes. Your nails may be affected, too.Caring for Your Appearance Read more in .
Feeling good about yourself begins with focusing on your positive features. Talk to your cancer care team about things that can be done to limit the damage cancer can do to the way you look, your energy, and your sense of well-being. When you’re going through cancer treatment, you can feel more attractive by disguising the changes cancer has made and drawing attention to your best points.
What do you see when you look at yourself in the mirror? Some people notice only what they dislike about their looks. This mirror exercise can help you adjust to body changes:
The mirror exercise may also help you feel more relaxed when your partner looks at you. Ask your partner to tell you some of the things that are enjoyable about the way you look or feel to the touch. Explain that these positive responses will help you feel better about yourself. Remember them when you’re feeling unsure.
Working on what you think about can help make a sexual experience better. Try to become more aware of what you tell yourself about how attractive or sensual you feel. There are ways to help turn negative thoughts around. For example:
Depression is common during and after cancer treatment and has a huge effect on your life, including your thoughts, relationships, and overall well-being. If you lack interest in things you usually enjoy or are unable to feel pleasure and happiness, please talk to your cancer care team.
Sometimes because of a cancer-related symptom or treatment side effect, it might not be possible to be as spontaneous as you were in the past. The most important thing is to open up the topic for discussion and begin scheduling some relaxed time together.
Self-stimulation (or masturbation) is not a required step in restarting your sex life, but it can be helpful. It can also help you find out where you might be tender or sore, so that you can let your partner know what to avoid.
Just as you learned to enjoy sex when you started having sex, you can learn how to feel pleasure during and after cancer treatment.
Depending on your situation, you may feel a little shy. It might be hard to let your partner know you would like to be physically close, so be as clear and direct as you can.
If you still have some pain or feel weak from cancer treatment, you might want to try new positions. Many couples have found one favorite position, particularly for vaginal penetration, and rarely try another. Talk to your partner and learn different ways to enjoy sex that are most comfortable. The drawings below are some ideas for positions that may help in resuming sex.
There's no one position that's right for everyone. You and your partner can work together to find what’s best for you. Pillows can help as supports. Keeping a sense of humor can always lighten up the mood.
The American Cancer Society medical and editorial content team
Our team is made up of doctors and oncology certified nurses with deep knowledge of cancer care as well as editors and translators with extensive experience in medical writing.
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Last Revised: February 5, 2020
American Cancer Society medical information is copyrighted material. For reprint requests, please see our Content Usage Policy.
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